my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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