Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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