Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize