My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
