meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
