let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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