Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
