....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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