Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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