3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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