I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
