What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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