forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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