you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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