Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
