Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
