True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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