Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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