I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
