do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
