so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
