So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
