nut hugger
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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