Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
