i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
