She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
