it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
