i was born a porn star she said
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
