So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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