Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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