I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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