Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My bed smells like the plague
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
