hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
