she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
