Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
