Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
