You smell like a Billy Joel song
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
