So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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