it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
