your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
