I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
