ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
