she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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