My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
