Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
