just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
