brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
