My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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