If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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