Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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