I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
