Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
