Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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