Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
