You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
