You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Vodka?
Forever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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