Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
