did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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