wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
