I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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