I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
