you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
