Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My vagina just recognized that song.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
