yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just pee around me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
