one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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