Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
