I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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