I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
