Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
