At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
