During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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